Category Archives: Renegade

Chronicles of a Renegade #1

Please excuse the following rant…

Have you looked at the world lately? How about reading your bible? They’re both full of things that weren’t ok and didn’t end that well for the people involved. Don’t get me wrong, I believe God is good and will turn all things into good in the end for those who love him… But are you telling me that I should have hope anyway because either:
A) At some unknown/undefined time point, maybe soon, maybe far in the future, this crap situation will eventually become a not so crap situation.
or
B) When you die, you get to go to heaven, and in heaven there won’t be any crap situations, so you see, it will all work out ok in the end.
or
C) You’re just looking at it from the wrong perspective. “You need to see this from God’s perspective” (Great, sorry to be blunt here, but how would you explain that to a victim of abuse or rape?)

I had hope for the future, but it was falsely based in the hope of relationship and fellowship. My hope was that in the future, God would bring someone into my life who I could know and love with all my heart, and whom in return would know and love me straight back.

But I’ve had a little bad luck with that so far.

So now I’ve been finding myself waking up in the morning and staring at the roof, and wondering what the point of great life dreams and ambitions is if your core desires and dreams will never be filled? Selfishly, what’s the point of dreaming about healing and freedom and deliverance for others, if you’re more immediate desires and dreams can’t even be satisfied? (Why aim for the stars, if you can’t even touch the roof?)

People can really suck sometimes. People you love and get close to, can lie to you, manipulate you, even stab you in the back; and on top of that, actually convince themselves that they were “trying to protect you”, when they were only filled with fear and covering their own butts.

*Looks up at sky*

Ok God, so its you who loves me and knows me and wants to be loved and known by me. And I know you are good, and I know you won’t ever lie to me, and you don’t manipulate people. But just being honest here, I’m not yet convinced that you aren’t going to stab me in the back somehow.

I’m scared of you God, and I have trouble trusting you. I’m scared that if I trust fully in you, you’ll make stuff or let stuff happen “because it’s good for me”. 

But I will try to trust you, even if only because I know you won’t ever lie to me or manipulate me. That’s all I have to give you God, but it’s at least somewhere to start from. You know where my heart is.

 

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Is Dreaming Too Big For You?

Hey there internet friends, all 2 of you…

Ever liked the idea of spending ten years of your life working at a job with no personal future and no purpose? – No, I didn’t think you did. Why do so many people consider pursuing a dream job as both unrealistic and ‘taking the easy way out’?

Who said anything about it being easy? So many millions of people see their job as a means to an end; a ‘work now, so you can have the money to play later’ type of mentality. Suffering through the week and trying to relax on the weekend. Why? Why spend the majority of your life doing something that you couldn’t really care a flip about?

Taking the easy way out in my opinion is when you set aside dreams because they’re too hard; Then settling for something like working at a burger joint, or in my particular case a few years ago: getting a building apprenticeship. I have bigger dreams then building houses. – Not that being a builder is a small dream…but that for me personally; to become a builder would be taking the easy way out.

Don’t settle for selling shoes, if you’re capable of changing the world. On the other hand, be enthusiastic about selling shoes if it fits into your plan for changing the world. Sounds like another darn cliché, but like many clichés, it’s true. Suck it up.

Dreaming is easy; Pursuing a dream is darn hard going.

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